The famous F365 Euro 2024 England ladder: Phillips and Henderson leave us depressed

England are now definitely going to Euro 2024 so we can talk in earnest about which players are going and get annoyed about those players.

Going forward, England were brilliant against Italy but they look rusty elsewhere. They have eight months to fix those issues.

We reckon we’ve got a fair idea what Gareth Southgate’s starting XI might be if that opening game were taking place tomorrow. It contains at least one name most wouldn’t be too happy about.

At which point we must remind you that, as ever, this is not strictly our top 50, but our best guess at the top 50 as it stands in Southgate’s mind. Well, the top 49 anyway. Numbers in brackets show positions from the last update in the summer, which you can read here…

1) Harry Kane (1)
We’ve shuttled Kane out of top spot a couple of times just to feel alive but it’s futile really. Still the main man – creatively and in terms of his ludicrous finishing – and got his 60th and 61st England goals in the win over Italy. It’s a shame that none of them count. 

2) Jude Bellingham (2)
Baby you’re the one. Simply the best young England player to emerge in my memory, at least. And I’m old. An all-round ridiculously good footballer in terms of drive, pace, vision, touch, finishing, motivation, creativity, momentum. He can do everything. His partnership with Kane is what makes us think England can win Euro 2024. Simple as that.

3) Declan Rice (3)
At least partly culpable for Italy’s goal but still untouchable in that England midfield. And Champions League football with Arsenal should improve him further this season. It might help if he gets a midfield partner who does not deserve to be sent off within nine minutes because he’s reacquainting himself with the concept of football.

4) Jordan Pickford (5)
One decent save to deny Destiny Udogie after he was given zero chance of stopping Italy’s only goal. Aaron Ramsdale is absolutely no threat now he is not even Arsenal’s No.1 so Pickford remains immovable. And that’s absolutely fine; England have much bigger problems elsewhere.

5) Bukayo Saka (4)
Absent in this international break but did not have to watch Jarrod Bowen or Phil Foden tearing it up in his absence. Which is nice. Is absolutely part of England’s first-choice front four.

6) John Stones (6)
The absolute heart of this England defence. No question. Don’t forget how brilliant he was last season as Manchester City won the Treble. Shame he does not have a partner we would trust against any striker with a semblance of pace or trickery.

7) Kyle Walker (7)
As we said last month: ‘England’s first-choice right-back until and unless Reece James manages to stay injury-free long enough to dislodge him. Somehow hasn’t lost a single inch of his pace, which is essentially witchcraft, and playing the best ball of his career having been talked out of both international retirement and leaving Man City.’ Same.

8) Luke Shaw (9)
Levi Colwill and then Kieran Trippier played out of position at left-back in this absence and the performances of both perfectly emphasised what we knew all along: England need an actual left-back. Get fit, stay fit, please Luke.

9) Marcus Rashford (8)
There have been many, many questions about Rashford’s form for Manchester United but he was excellent against Italy as he was against Scotland in September. He clearly relishes playing with Bellingham and Kane and who can blame him? They’re sodding brilliant.

10) Harry Maguire (11)
Accept it. There’s zero point arguing that Marc Guehi is better. This is Gareth Southgate’s world and we’re just living in it (while tutting).

11) Phil Foden (10)
Does he start when everybody else is fit? Probably not. But is he second choice in any of the three positions around Kane? Probably yes. He’s a lovely footballer but my word, does he suffer in (probably unfair) comparison to Bellingham…

12) Reece James (12)
We keep telling him to stop being injured. But will he listen? Will he f***. Bad attitude.

13) Ben Chilwell (14)
We keep telling him to stop being injured. But will he listen? Will he f***. Bad attitude.

14) Sam Johnstone (22)
Now England’s second-choice goalkeeper. Four caps in and he’s yet to concede a goal. Not convinced we would recognise him in a line-up without his shirt and gloves but that’s not a problem as long as Pickford remains fit. And he’s always fit. Like a small, bouncy dog.

15) Kalvin Phillips (23)
The Maguire thing we have now reluctantly accepted but this is infuriating: Phillips is England’s first-choice midfielder alongside Rice and really, we are kidding ourselves putting him this low. He could have been sent off twice over v Italy. Please move somewhere in January, fella. You need to reacquaint yourself with football. It’s not happening at Manchester City.

16) Jordan Henderson (20)
We would have him nowhere near this England set-up because the second he chose Saudi Arabia, he chose something other than international football. But he obviously knew that Southgate’s loyalty/stubbornness allied with a dearth of midfield options meant that he would simply carry on regardless. He will be going to Euro 2024 and we will continue to chunner about it.

17) Marc Guehi (15)
Shame that not playing for Manchester United trumps playing really very well for Crystal Palace.

18) Jack Grealish (17)
Not started a competitive England game since March. He remains an option off the bench but no longer an option that truly excites. Has he been broken by Pep?

19) Kieran Trippier (21)
Second-choice right-back, third-choice left-back? The latter is too often his way into this England XI.

20) Callum Wilson (18)
Missed this international break through injury. We suspect he is still narrowly ahead of Ollie Watkins in the battle to be Kane’s understudy and hopefully never play more than a few minutes in the last group game of Euro 2024 against Slovenia when England have already qualified for the last 16.

21) Aaron Ramsdale (13)
Keeps his squad place but another few months on Arsenal’s bench will strengthen Nick Pope’s hopes of a recall.

22) James Maddison (24)
The player of the Premier League season so far and yet firmly in the England B side, not least because Bellingham is playing in his favoured No. 10 role and he is frankly f***ing brilliant. Has played more minutes in this Euro 2024 qualifying campaign than Rashford, Foden or Grealish, and yet it’s Maddison that might go to Germany and play about seven minutes behind Wilson.

23) Trent Alexander-Arnold (19)
Started at right-back against Australia and then given a run-out in midfield but when it came to the serious business v Italy, he was not even in the conversation. Have we put four right-backs in this Euro 2024 squad? Yes. Is that unlikely? Absolutely not.

24) Conor Gallagher (29)
Preferred to Mason Mount by Southgate in this break and that feels like a big breakthrough. We have long thought of Gallagher as a mini-Mount, but on the evidence of this season, apprentice has surged past the master.

Chelsea midfielder Conor Gallagher

25) Lewis Dunk (26)
If England take four centre-halves then Dunk is the fourth. Good under Graham Potter has become brilliant and unflappable under Roberto de Zerbi.

26) Ollie Watkins (39)
Three goals in eight England games is a decent record. But we can only really see him going to Euro 2024 if UEFA allow a 26-man squad. Otherwise, it will be Kane + 1.

27) Levi Colwill (28)
Given the hospital pass of making his England debut at left-back. Though he can take some heart from being kept in the squad for the Italy game while Fikayo Tomori was ousted.

28) Mason Mount (16)
‘When push comes to tournament-squad shove, we still expect Southgate to have him in there,’ we said last month. But he really must be so much better for Manchester United to push out Gallagher now.

29) Nick Pope (30)
The less Ramsdale plays for Arsenal, the better for a keeper now playing Champions League football.

30) Ivan Toney (33)
Would probably leapfrog both Wilson and Watkins if he comes back with a bang in January. Especially if it’s for Arsenal or Chelsea.

31) Eberechi Eze (25)
Missed this one though injury but realistically, he is not producing The Numbers to justify a swift recall.

32) Jarrod Bowen (RE)
Deserved his call-up but let’s be honest, there’s no chance of him being picked ahead of Saka and Foden when it matters.

33) Eddie Nketiah (31)
Has a cap. Shouldn’t get many more. There really is no succession plan for Kane.

34) Fikayo Tomori (41)
Was in the squad until he wasn’t.

35) Raheem Sterling (32)
Got to be raging that he is in form for Chelsea and has been sidelined while Henderson plays futsal in the desert and keeps getting picked.

36) James Ward-Prowse (34)
And if Sterling is raging then JWP should be apoplectic. Has been impressive for a decent West Ham side and yet remains on the fringes of the fringes.

37) Anthony Gordon (NE)
The first of our uncapped players but surely next in line for an England call.

38) Morgan Gibbs-White (33)
Would probably have a cap by now if Bellingham did not exist. But thankfully for England, he really does.

39) Curtis Jones (43)
Plays in a position in which England have a distinct lack of options, though we suspect Euro 2024 will come a little too early.

40) Cameron Archer (36)
Scoring more than one Premier League goal would be a mighty fine idea but having England Under-21 pedigree gives him a leg-up.

41) Harvey Elliott (38)
42) Jacob Ramsey (44)
43) Tyrone Mings (27)
44) Cole Palmer (NE)
45) Tammy Abraham (45)
46) Jarrad Branthwaite (NE)
47) Ben White (47)
48) Ezri Konsa (40)
49) Rico Lewis (NE)
50) Phil Neville (50)