Keane vs McAteer headlines fantasy boxing card as Wenger-Mourinho, Terry-Bridge settle their beef
Jason McAteer calling Roy Keane out for a “fight” was not on our bingo sheet for this international break, but I suppose the interlull gets to us all in some way…
The world is bleak so the ex-Liverpool star’s call-out will not lead anywhere, but what if it did? At a time when social media stars overshadow actual boxers with crossover events, football is missing a trick by not getting in on the action.
For the fun of it, I’ve decided to pick out five more fights inspired by football feuds that would be settled by an appearance on this fantasy boxing card. Frankly, it’s a shame Keane is fighting McAteer because Patrick Vieira or Alf-Inge Haaland would be more suitable opponents.
Maybe these clashes can come after he’s steamrolled his former Republic of Ireland team-mate? Before I get even more carried away, here are five more money-spinning bouts…
Arsene Wenger vs Jose Mourinho
Perhaps the greatest managerial feud in Premier League history, the Wenger-Mourinho fight may not be the best to watch, but the promo in the build-up would make it all worthwhile.
‘The Special One’ would get in the head of his opponent (the ‘specialist of failure’) a la Conor McGregor and drag the classy Frenchman into a pushing match as they once did on the touchline.
Wenger would do well to not be defeated before he even steps into the ring and he would go into this fight as the clear BabyFace, while the pesky Mourinho would pull out every dirty trick in the book (a low blow here and a thumb in the eye there) to gain an advantage.
Lee Bowyer vs Kieran Dyer
We have already been gifted with a tease of what this fight could look like when the two former Newcastle United team-mates infamously clashed on the St James’ Park pitch in 2005.
Then-Newcastle manager Graeme Souness (unsurprisingly) threatened to use his experience to rough up his two miscreants at half-time and not fancying that, the hot-headed midfield pair backed down before kissing and making up.
The huge payday of an appearance on this card could tempt the now-middle-aged pair to reignite their feud and Souness could even be dragged in (WWE-style) as a special guest referee for the contest.
Luis Suarez vs Patrice Evra
I will not swoop as low as Suarez and trivialise racism, but his hate-filled spat with former Man Utd defender Evra makes this an obvious clash.
As for the fight itself, you get the impression that – just like Mourinho – Suarez would make it dirty and pay homage to Mike Tyson by attempting to bite off his opponent’s ear.
Evra meanwhile – unless there are loads of Liverpool supporters in attendance – would be the clear fan favourite on the night and the lovable Frenchman getting revenge on Suarez by floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee would genuinely be great to see. We love this game.
John Terry vs Wayne Bridge
If you are planning to build a heated boxing match between two fighters, a bit of infidelity will always do the trick.
Former team-mates at Chelsea, it emerged following Bridge’s move to Manchester City that Terry was having an affair with the ex-girlfriend of the left-back.
This led to a frosty reunion between the pair as the Man City defender (rightly, to be fair) refused to shake Terry’s hand before a Premier League match. The two players have no doubt moved past this soap opera, but there will still be bad blood between them. And as a famous bald man once said: “Who is better? There’s only one way to find out: FIGHT!”
Maxi Lopez vs Mauro Icardi
It would be remiss to have an all-football boxing card which did not include Lopez vs Icardi…
For those unaware of their gruesome tale, Lopez and Icardi were team-mates at Sampdoria and they appeared to be pretty good friends until the latter married the former’s ex-wife.
Icardi later twisted the dagger in Lopez’s heart by having the names of his former teammates’ children inked on his arm. So the former Inter Milan and PSG striker is a proper bastard and if anyone deserves to be brought down a peg or two by being beaten in a boxing ring, it’s him.
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